I wait and I wait hoping that something will light up.
But doesn't look like there's any possibility.
Everyday is a drag, I try to give up but still smoke the fag
I keep myself busy with mundane jobs to kill the time
Time is not really right now mine
Trying not to despair
Cause I believe that Life is never fair
Hope there is an expiration date on my packet of wait
Hope there's true love and belonging in my fate
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Second Love
Scott is an older guy...he is a great guy.... he is my friend.
he was married for 35 years.... loved his wife a lot for the first few years... children grew up.. they left the nest.
and then there was love lost between him and his wife.... they lived on for some more years... then Mary Anne passed away... though so many times he thought he was tired of that life....that he was going to leave her... love had left them already... but now Scott was relieved.. he had gotten out of the rut... but in a few days he started thinking about the time they had spent together... those new years of married life... that happy face in the hospital that Mary Anne had even after 8 hours of labor.... those first steps of their children... the changing of diapers that they had shared too... he thought about the time together... and there was suddenly no "Us".... before he knew it there were tears rolling down his cheeks... inadvertently he licked those off his lips after they filtered through his mustache...
Sadness gripped him hard... he was so alone... alone in this whole wide world he thought... he lived in complete isolation for a long time... never met any of his friends... avoided everybody... he wanted to reflect on his thoughts..... Mary Anne... she was his wife... and his wife was dead....
Scott spent many years trying to deny his state....trying to deny that he needed anybody else... he was in love once and that was it.....he had loved his wife with all his heart and his mind....and she was gone... his life had become mechanical... routine had set in... he did the same things everyday....routine was boring but at least there was no more sudden changes in his life... children visited often... they advised their dad that he had been alone enough... he needed someone in his life too...
now it looks to me like Scott is out of his misery...
he is more upbeat these days.... talks to me at the counter about this young old lady that was shopping in the grocery aisle... she is with me he said... and I gave him a firm hand shake...
I guess love happens again.....he calls it his second love...
he was married for 35 years.... loved his wife a lot for the first few years... children grew up.. they left the nest.
and then there was love lost between him and his wife.... they lived on for some more years... then Mary Anne passed away... though so many times he thought he was tired of that life....that he was going to leave her... love had left them already... but now Scott was relieved.. he had gotten out of the rut... but in a few days he started thinking about the time they had spent together... those new years of married life... that happy face in the hospital that Mary Anne had even after 8 hours of labor.... those first steps of their children... the changing of diapers that they had shared too... he thought about the time together... and there was suddenly no "Us".... before he knew it there were tears rolling down his cheeks... inadvertently he licked those off his lips after they filtered through his mustache...
Sadness gripped him hard... he was so alone... alone in this whole wide world he thought... he lived in complete isolation for a long time... never met any of his friends... avoided everybody... he wanted to reflect on his thoughts..... Mary Anne... she was his wife... and his wife was dead....
Scott spent many years trying to deny his state....trying to deny that he needed anybody else... he was in love once and that was it.....he had loved his wife with all his heart and his mind....and she was gone... his life had become mechanical... routine had set in... he did the same things everyday....routine was boring but at least there was no more sudden changes in his life... children visited often... they advised their dad that he had been alone enough... he needed someone in his life too...
now it looks to me like Scott is out of his misery...
he is more upbeat these days.... talks to me at the counter about this young old lady that was shopping in the grocery aisle... she is with me he said... and I gave him a firm hand shake...
I guess love happens again.....he calls it his second love...
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Indian Classical and my tears
I don't know what has happened to me these days. I am/was naturally a bit on the sensitive side anyways. But never did I cry while watching movies or listening to music.. but these days I guess I can feel the intensity of the music that I listen to. Or maybe I am humbled by the immense talent that some of these young singers have. 18-19 year old young men and women... man they have such voices and the voices climb and fall with such ease that it makes me feel very small... it also gives me immense pleasure that these people have been given the gift which is so great... these people are like the musician and their voice is their instrument... I imagine them sometimes singing to themselves different songs depending on their moods...like a violinist would bring out those happy tunes and those sad melancholy notes when he is happy or down.... so many thoughts race through my mind at that time when I'm listening to these people... it brings tears to my eyes... i close my eyes and immerse myself in their voices... especially when somebody sings something related to Indian classical music...
it is insane.. there are these ragas that these people adhere to and they just make me so emotional... its fun to enjoy music like that... where u are one with the mood of the music.... such a gift these people have... it brings tears to my eyes both with the pride that these people are so talented and with the sorrow deep within me that I am not afraid to embrace...
it is insane.. there are these ragas that these people adhere to and they just make me so emotional... its fun to enjoy music like that... where u are one with the mood of the music.... such a gift these people have... it brings tears to my eyes both with the pride that these people are so talented and with the sorrow deep within me that I am not afraid to embrace...
Friday, May 14, 2010
the story of India
Recently watched a PBS documentary. The Story of India- with Micheal Woods... wow..
I did not know that my country had such a rich and long history. I think this is the first and only documentary that I have seen about the real history of India. It starts from 30,000 years ago.. when the first migration of humans happened from the African coasts to the Indian coasts along the middle east. And the migrants journeyed their way into the land of present day Kerala... why because it was a rich land.. marshes and backwaters and fertile soil... the people who came there had the M130 gene.. and some peoples from a certain region in those parts still have that gene expressed... this is due to marriage between first cousins and so the lack of hybridization. It is amazing to see that... there were some scientists from the Madurai University, if I remember correctly, who conducted DNA analysis of these people to ascertain the presence of this gene..
the earliest form of communication was not language but sounds... like the sounds of a baby... but pronounced.. there is a sect of Brahmins who still practice the 'hymns' from those times... along with a prayer to the fire god... the most amazing thing is that though all these years have passed and the world has changed from twigs of neem plants as toothbrushes to touch-pads for computing these traditions have been handed down from father to son over these years...
The show then talks about the rise and spread of the Aryan race, as it is so called, from the lands of the Indus river. the Indus river is not only a myth because tectonic shifts have made it change its course to where it is now a dry bed.... the word "Arya" stands for learned or cultured... and it is derived from the Sanskrit language. The people were referred to as Aryans because they were the first people to form a 'civilized' society. At that time in the European, African and American continents people still lived as hunter-gatherers. the origins of the Aryan race can be taken back to the Hindu-Kush mountains and beyond though no firm starting point is proven beyond doubt...Adolf Hitler's Nazi party called themselves the Aryans- the pure ones or whatever and one of his generals, infamous Heinrich Himmler, carried with him a copy of the Bhagwadgita.. which teaches the warrior Arjuna the importance of Dharma or duty... that is it is his duty to follow through without thought to his actions... when Arjuna is required to kill his own brothers for they are not righteous.... HH says that the book acts as a support to him to justify his duty of killing of the 'inferiors'... I consider this to be misuse of the theory of Dharma...
The documentary then talks about the spread of religions through the world where it surprisingly says that Christianity spread from the middle east to India first before going on to Europe and then onwards to America... there are still millions of Christians who live in India and whose families date back to thousands of years... well atleast 2010 years.... it also talks in depth about Buddhism and Jainism... when Siddhartha the king became an ascetic and turned towards Nirvana or Moksh...not for 200 years after his death did the spread of Buddhism occur.. and it did not catch on too much in India because India is a country of millions of Gods.. which could be called deities....and Buddha said that affection towards God was kind of a clinging and thus greed which was not the path to Nirvana.... that was bound to not work in India even though the Buddha was an Indian....
Then it talks about Islam and the rule and plunder and progress of the Indian populace at the hands of the Mughals and the Afghans and the Turks in depth... the inclusion of Islamic politicians in Hindu king's courts and Hindu bureaucrats in the courts of Islamic Kings and Emperors.
It talks about the silk roads where silk made in the Orient was processed by thousands of skilled workers in India and which was then a commodity for the rich and famous.. then it talks about the spice roads... the spices were the ones that really brought out the European explorers to the Indian coasts...that discovery was also accidental for the explorers as they were amazed at how the food lasted so long even in the warm climate... and then they were enlightened about the process of pickling.
The documentary talks about the largest migration in human history which happened between India and Pakistan after the partition of India... such a large migration has never happened in history it says... it talks about the freedom struggle and the European explorers who came to India, learned the languages and translated epics into readable prose for the common man elsewhere... and the introduction of the "Zero" in math to the introduction of the "pi" or 3.14 which is so commonly used in higher math and trigonometry... when Galileo predicted that the earth was round and not flat, the Indian astronomers were talking about the solar system and beyond...
All through the program the scene is very rural... the urban part of India is not shown but for the last few minutes/seconds... cause this is the story of India and it has to be the old story. What amazes me is that tradition and culture have been preserved over eons in our country and even though there are software developers developing mind boggling technologies they still go to the temple and proudly display the vermilion mark on their foreheads... bow down to their parents and touch their feet....
In the next few years when the technologic progress supersedes most other places the story of India will change... but not too much I think.
I did not know that my country had such a rich and long history. I think this is the first and only documentary that I have seen about the real history of India. It starts from 30,000 years ago.. when the first migration of humans happened from the African coasts to the Indian coasts along the middle east. And the migrants journeyed their way into the land of present day Kerala... why because it was a rich land.. marshes and backwaters and fertile soil... the people who came there had the M130 gene.. and some peoples from a certain region in those parts still have that gene expressed... this is due to marriage between first cousins and so the lack of hybridization. It is amazing to see that... there were some scientists from the Madurai University, if I remember correctly, who conducted DNA analysis of these people to ascertain the presence of this gene..
the earliest form of communication was not language but sounds... like the sounds of a baby... but pronounced.. there is a sect of Brahmins who still practice the 'hymns' from those times... along with a prayer to the fire god... the most amazing thing is that though all these years have passed and the world has changed from twigs of neem plants as toothbrushes to touch-pads for computing these traditions have been handed down from father to son over these years...
The show then talks about the rise and spread of the Aryan race, as it is so called, from the lands of the Indus river. the Indus river is not only a myth because tectonic shifts have made it change its course to where it is now a dry bed.... the word "Arya" stands for learned or cultured... and it is derived from the Sanskrit language. The people were referred to as Aryans because they were the first people to form a 'civilized' society. At that time in the European, African and American continents people still lived as hunter-gatherers. the origins of the Aryan race can be taken back to the Hindu-Kush mountains and beyond though no firm starting point is proven beyond doubt...Adolf Hitler's Nazi party called themselves the Aryans- the pure ones or whatever and one of his generals, infamous Heinrich Himmler, carried with him a copy of the Bhagwadgita.. which teaches the warrior Arjuna the importance of Dharma or duty... that is it is his duty to follow through without thought to his actions... when Arjuna is required to kill his own brothers for they are not righteous.... HH says that the book acts as a support to him to justify his duty of killing of the 'inferiors'... I consider this to be misuse of the theory of Dharma...
The documentary then talks about the spread of religions through the world where it surprisingly says that Christianity spread from the middle east to India first before going on to Europe and then onwards to America... there are still millions of Christians who live in India and whose families date back to thousands of years... well atleast 2010 years.... it also talks in depth about Buddhism and Jainism... when Siddhartha the king became an ascetic and turned towards Nirvana or Moksh...not for 200 years after his death did the spread of Buddhism occur.. and it did not catch on too much in India because India is a country of millions of Gods.. which could be called deities....and Buddha said that affection towards God was kind of a clinging and thus greed which was not the path to Nirvana.... that was bound to not work in India even though the Buddha was an Indian....
Then it talks about Islam and the rule and plunder and progress of the Indian populace at the hands of the Mughals and the Afghans and the Turks in depth... the inclusion of Islamic politicians in Hindu king's courts and Hindu bureaucrats in the courts of Islamic Kings and Emperors.
It talks about the silk roads where silk made in the Orient was processed by thousands of skilled workers in India and which was then a commodity for the rich and famous.. then it talks about the spice roads... the spices were the ones that really brought out the European explorers to the Indian coasts...that discovery was also accidental for the explorers as they were amazed at how the food lasted so long even in the warm climate... and then they were enlightened about the process of pickling.
The documentary talks about the largest migration in human history which happened between India and Pakistan after the partition of India... such a large migration has never happened in history it says... it talks about the freedom struggle and the European explorers who came to India, learned the languages and translated epics into readable prose for the common man elsewhere... and the introduction of the "Zero" in math to the introduction of the "pi" or 3.14 which is so commonly used in higher math and trigonometry... when Galileo predicted that the earth was round and not flat, the Indian astronomers were talking about the solar system and beyond...
All through the program the scene is very rural... the urban part of India is not shown but for the last few minutes/seconds... cause this is the story of India and it has to be the old story. What amazes me is that tradition and culture have been preserved over eons in our country and even though there are software developers developing mind boggling technologies they still go to the temple and proudly display the vermilion mark on their foreheads... bow down to their parents and touch their feet....
In the next few years when the technologic progress supersedes most other places the story of India will change... but not too much I think.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Gordon Ramsay's kitchen nightmares
BBC has always been one of my favorite channels. And there is a food-guru, foul-mouth-chef called Gordon Ramsay who’s on this channel. And his show, which is a reality show by the way, is fantastic. This man has a passion for his art. I call it art because he is such a personality that makes art out of his bread and butter. This is a guy who has struggled a lot when he started and has become what he has become today just because of his passion and hard work.
I recently watched a show of his where he ripped off a new one to one of New York’s finest restaurant owners. This is a lobster place and is run by three owners. Out of the three one is, what is called in economics, a sleeping partner. But the food industry is such that you can succeed only if you get your hands dirty. You have to have total commitment to your work because it is such a rewarding profession if you look at it like that. Many restaurateurs have the dream of making a quick buck and becoming rich by investment alone. But the restaurant is like your child. And when someone praises your child there can be no other happy moment. It is in search of these moments that restaurateurs attain success.
There are many many aspects and requirements of the restaurant business according to some of the articles on the web. But the most common one is putting yourself in your customers’ shoes. What do I want when I go visit a restaurant? I want a good ambience when I enter the restaurant. I want to be able to feel like I want to order food, so ambience and location are the prime parameters when opening one. Then I want to enjoy my food, the dish that I order should taste just like I imagined. So fresh ingredients, a secret recipe, wholesome food is a must. The people who come to your restaurant have a fair idea of what they want to eat and if you surpass their expectations then they will come back for more and spread the word. This is what we all want, whether it is a restaurant or a doctor’s practice. So food is the life of a restaurant and should be the soul of it too. The menu should also be a short menu of about maybe 30- 35 items. This prevents confusion in the minds of the customer and plus it gives you a chance to hone your skills if you cook or oversee the cooking at your place. And it is a must to follow a theme for your restaurant. That gives it a feeling of home and comfort.
The biggest problem with the restaurant industry is an unhappy customer. And there are a lot of those out there. But the majority of them just enjoy their food and appreciate the service if you are a candidate for that appreciation. Dealing with a customer is the most important thing in this type of business. It is very important to listen to and understand the customer’s complaint or concern. This is an opportunity for you to improve upon your skill. Feedback is the impetus for growth. Understanding a customer’s complaint and making it right for him/her will give him a feeling of being important and in turn will increase his feeling of belonging to your place. Add in a freebie here and there and that makes them a loyal following.
Pricing is also one of the key ingredients of a successful business. The price that you charge for your dish has to help fund your entire payroll, electricity bills, maintenance costs, cost of food and your own take home pay. Usually that is a markup of 35 percent. But that depends of the menu item you serve. And if the quality is good and much appreciated then people don’t mind to shell that out for an evening of enjoyment.
There are a lot of research avenues that you can access for this sort of business if you are really interested in it. And who knows, one fine day you would have your own show on TV and could call somebody an “ARSE” for not being able to run their show right. Gordon Ramsay, you have given people something to think about and I always was a polite and good customer who tipped handsomely, but now I really know what you guys go through to put food on our plates. Kudos to you and your kind!!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
winter's over
yeah... finally winter's about to be gone.... to return again ofcourse.... but its on its way.... the groundhog appeared a long time before... but i guess it went back into its little burrow... damn this year....damn this winter...
Amos is 20 years old.. has lived his life in this city.... and he has never seen so much snow in this city... biggest or rather deepest snow in 20 years??.... wow and i was a part of it.... it was fun to look at... and actually be in it too... me and Rusty were out in the yard... on that day when the city stood still.... and luckily I was off.... so I grabbed a handful of snow and made a snowball and hurled it at Rusty.... and he loved it.... the snowball looked like the familiar shape of his tennis ball..... but the tennis ball can be grabbed and then I can run with it he thought.. but what happened to this one.... it's vanished.... bewilderment hit his face..... those long already erect ears perked up..... and I and the children laughed... then everybody started throwing snowballs.... before we knew it we had a snowball fight on our hands.....
yeah such is winter... fun to watch when u are inside with a cup of hot coffee or cocoa..or in your yard throwing snowballs.... otherwise its a bitch...
slipping and sliding is another way to have fun only if u are in a parking lot.... its so much fun to just drive and then hit the emergency brake... and the car wants to go ahead but the front is stopped and the rear then just turns whichever way and tries to follow its path of motion... what law was that????... damn its been ages and those laws of physics are always teasing me....
well now that winter's over the jackets and parkas and the coats and the hats will all go.... go to the dry cleaners for next year that is.... and out will come the flip-flops and the sandals... wonderful weather will be here.... and i have vowed to go out there and have fun.... even if I'm by myself... my buddy will give me company...
and oh yeah... how can I forget those green lawns of finely manicured bent grass..aptly called the 'fairways'... and those flags fluttering in the balmy winds... and those irons covered with clippings and sand.....a big ovation to the changing scenery....
Kurt rightly crooned... 'Spring is here again..reproductive glands' .... except the glands work only in animals.. cause they do it for progeny... and we do it for pleasure....sorry for the digression... suddenly remembered my friend who has attained Nirvana... just had to write his name....."I swear that I don't have a gun"....
Amos is 20 years old.. has lived his life in this city.... and he has never seen so much snow in this city... biggest or rather deepest snow in 20 years??.... wow and i was a part of it.... it was fun to look at... and actually be in it too... me and Rusty were out in the yard... on that day when the city stood still.... and luckily I was off.... so I grabbed a handful of snow and made a snowball and hurled it at Rusty.... and he loved it.... the snowball looked like the familiar shape of his tennis ball..... but the tennis ball can be grabbed and then I can run with it he thought.. but what happened to this one.... it's vanished.... bewilderment hit his face..... those long already erect ears perked up..... and I and the children laughed... then everybody started throwing snowballs.... before we knew it we had a snowball fight on our hands.....
yeah such is winter... fun to watch when u are inside with a cup of hot coffee or cocoa..or in your yard throwing snowballs.... otherwise its a bitch...
slipping and sliding is another way to have fun only if u are in a parking lot.... its so much fun to just drive and then hit the emergency brake... and the car wants to go ahead but the front is stopped and the rear then just turns whichever way and tries to follow its path of motion... what law was that????... damn its been ages and those laws of physics are always teasing me....
well now that winter's over the jackets and parkas and the coats and the hats will all go.... go to the dry cleaners for next year that is.... and out will come the flip-flops and the sandals... wonderful weather will be here.... and i have vowed to go out there and have fun.... even if I'm by myself... my buddy will give me company...
and oh yeah... how can I forget those green lawns of finely manicured bent grass..aptly called the 'fairways'... and those flags fluttering in the balmy winds... and those irons covered with clippings and sand.....a big ovation to the changing scenery....
Kurt rightly crooned... 'Spring is here again..reproductive glands' .... except the glands work only in animals.. cause they do it for progeny... and we do it for pleasure....sorry for the digression... suddenly remembered my friend who has attained Nirvana... just had to write his name....."I swear that I don't have a gun"....
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas!!
Its that time of the year.. well, for me the festive season started in late October with Diwali and the lights are on till the start of the year... like every year.
this year has been different...lots of changes in life have happened over a period of few months... change is difficult to adapt to.. but change is good...even though it feels like life has been caught in a quagmire..
last year i remember there was a huge party at my house with all of my pseudo-friends.
alcohol was flowing, music was playing, dances were being danced by dancing folks.. everything looked very merry... felt merry too.. but i guess everything just looked merry.... when it came time to show their faces these folks had completely different faces... faces expressing the expressions of things brought on to them by virtual reality...well such time is the time when u know who's real and who's fake... and believe you me, there's more fake than real...
it's all about take... not much about give... but this is the season of giving.. and I was, am and always will be a giver... so I'm glad I'm in the company of givers this year.
This year the party was a quiet one... with a decorated Christmas tree, two dogs, five people and the usual flowing of alcohol.. and the happiness was felt all around. Sometimes you have to give up a lot to receive a little... and that little feels a lot.. because when you have a lot around you, you don't know if it really is yours...
I'm getting too philosophical here.. but such is the time....
This year there is peace and calm.... and there is a hollow in life.. there sure is, but that hollow will be filled... by someone who gives a lot to receive a lot..
I hope Santa fills the hollow in everyone's lives.. oh yeah we all have some kind of hollow... with some goodness.. some warmth, some wishes and a lot of love..
Merry Christmas!
this year has been different...lots of changes in life have happened over a period of few months... change is difficult to adapt to.. but change is good...even though it feels like life has been caught in a quagmire..
last year i remember there was a huge party at my house with all of my pseudo-friends.
alcohol was flowing, music was playing, dances were being danced by dancing folks.. everything looked very merry... felt merry too.. but i guess everything just looked merry.... when it came time to show their faces these folks had completely different faces... faces expressing the expressions of things brought on to them by virtual reality...well such time is the time when u know who's real and who's fake... and believe you me, there's more fake than real...
it's all about take... not much about give... but this is the season of giving.. and I was, am and always will be a giver... so I'm glad I'm in the company of givers this year.
This year the party was a quiet one... with a decorated Christmas tree, two dogs, five people and the usual flowing of alcohol.. and the happiness was felt all around. Sometimes you have to give up a lot to receive a little... and that little feels a lot.. because when you have a lot around you, you don't know if it really is yours...
I'm getting too philosophical here.. but such is the time....
This year there is peace and calm.... and there is a hollow in life.. there sure is, but that hollow will be filled... by someone who gives a lot to receive a lot..
I hope Santa fills the hollow in everyone's lives.. oh yeah we all have some kind of hollow... with some goodness.. some warmth, some wishes and a lot of love..
Merry Christmas!
this is my Christmas Tree
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